A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

***

Q: Why is New Jersey filled with toxic waste dumps and California filled with lawyers?
A: New Jersey got first pick!

**************

After their car broke down on a lonely country road, three men sought a night's shelter at a farmhouse. The farmer, poor but eager to help them, said that he only had two beds so one of the three would have to sleep in the barn.

Immediately, one of the travelers, a polite Hindu mathematician, agreed and left for the barn. A short while later he returned and apologetically explained that there were cows in the barn and for religious reasons he could not sleep there.

Another of the guests, a conservative rabbi, volunteered, picked up his bedding and left for the barn. It wasn't long before he returned complaining that the pig in the barn made it impossible for him to sleep there.

The last of the stranded trio, a lawyer, sighed and grudgingly picked up his bag and shuffled off to the barn.

Soon, there was another knock at the door. When the farmer answered it, there were the cows and the pig.

* * *

"I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character."
--Woodrow Wilson

* * *

Q: Why have scientists begun to use lawyers instead of lab rats for research?
A: Two reasons: first, they are more plentiful than rats, second, the researchers don't get as attached to them.
One problem, though, is that no one has been able to extrapolate the test results to human beings.

* * *

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

* * *

"A man who dies without a will has lawyers for his heirs."
--Anonymous

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