How do you know that it's REALLY cold out?
The lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
************

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.

"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put 'here lies an honest lawyer.'"

"But that won't let people know who it is," protested the lawyer.

"Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim 'That's Strange!'"

* * *

A group of professional men had finished a day's hunt and were relaxing around the fire. Their hunting dogs occupied a clearing nearby. One of the men observed that it was remarkable how the dogs had acquired the traits of their owners.

The musician's dog was softly howling strains of the Moonlight sonata. The engineer's dog was using his paw to perform calculations in the dust.

The lawyer's dog was screwing all the rest.

* * *

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers-we had $100 when we broke in!"

* * *

Out of towner: Any criminal lawyers in this town?

Local: Yes. But none of them are in jail.

* * *

Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

* * *

A former lawyer applied to a government contractor for a job. The contractor asked him what he could do. "I'll be a consultant," the lawyer said.

"We have enough consultants," the contractor said.

"I know all about what's going on in government," the lawyer said. "I'll be an advisor."

"We have enough advisors," the contractor said.

By now the lawyer was becoming a little desperate. "Look," he said, "I'm not overly proud. I'll help you with paperwork, sort of like a clerk."

"Sorry," said the contractor. "We have more than enough clerks.

With that the lawyer got upset. Jumping to his feet, he turned toward the door and shouted, "Well, to work for you, I'd have to be a low-down, double-dealing SOB anyhow."

"You didn't say you were a lawyer!" exclaimed the contractor. "Do sit down."

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