After listening to your last show, I felt the need to respond to the caller who was puzzled about why birds deposited more guano on his white car. His observation regarding the toilets habits of our feathered friends is correct, but his conclusion is faulty. The reason the birds seek out white cars instead of, say, dark red ones relates to the fact that white cars are washed more often then other colors. Owners of white cars notice dirt faster than then rest of us and thus wash the cars more frequently.

There are several well-researched studies (including the now classic work of Professor Bert Brain entitled "Rain, Birds, and Car Washing: A Comprehensive Study") that demonstrate the causal link between freshly washed cars and aviary diarrhea. I personally have been conducting a long-term study of the subject by refusing to wash my car. As stated in the preliminary draft of my soon-to-be-released textbook on the subject, "I have not washed my car in seven years and have known peace and contentment, while my pristine neighbors continue to curse." I hope that this resolves this issue.

Jack Fendell

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