Michael D. Peyton, Hpd sent the following letter (response sent from mail@cartalk.com).

Dear Brothers Tappet,

I could not pass up the opportunity to write in regard to a caller's dilemma with bird guano or, if you prefer, doo-doo. As a biologist with a special interest in animal behavior (which is why I tolerate listening to your ruminations every chance I get), I feel I may have some insight on the problem being experienced by the poor fellow with the white car.

As you may or may not know, birds are territorial. Male birds elicit song, especially during the breeding season, not to attract the females of their kind but, rather, to warn off competing males. I point out that this is not theory but fact. The following is a bit more speculative. Many animals further demonstrate this territoriality by urinating (canids--dogs, wolves) and defecating (mustelids--weasels, skunks and others). It may be going out on a limb (whoops, sorry!) to advance this behavior to birds and, as far as I know, no one has studied it to conclusion. But consider: You are a bird and have to spend your time defending turf, chasing away other birds, courting a female, breeding, raising young, etc., etc. A lifestyle that could undoubtedly build up a lot of angst, right? Enter human beings with their habit of leaving large, light-colored, automobiles around in your "hood." Flying to and fro on one of your many avian missions, you spy this thing; what is it going to look like to you, hunh? (I mean, where does the expression "bird brain" come from, anyway?) How better to let off a little of that anger than to let one fly and, at the same time, put your mark on things, as it were.

If I had the time, I would find this an interesting little study, but (un?)fortunately more pressing matters need my attention. So, I will leave it up to some other listener to analyze and test my theory and, who knows, perhaps embark on some exciting and rewarding new career in bird-crap analysis!

For what it is worth...

Sincerely yours,

Michael D. Peyton, Hpd

P.S. I'm not a REAL doctor; I have a master's degree in...SCIENCE! (Actually in herpetology but, hey! frogs are animals, too!!)

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