Dating Handbook: Pickup Lines and Driving Stories
Dear Tom and Ray;
Last night my wife and I were listening to your Valentine's version of Car Talk, along with our small terrier, Ace, who is a world-class cute dog, and we were quite interested by the gentleman concerned about meeting women in traffic. Your suggestion of carrying a dog with him, the correct and only sure-fire way to meet women, was the genesis of an idea suggested by our very own Ace.
As many guys don't have a dog to drive around with, and if they have a puppy it will inevitably grow up to be a large, slobbering undisciplined brute that no one could stand to have in their car (guys seldom have time for obedience classes), we have the following solution:
ACE'S RENT-A-BABE-MAGNET SERVICE
This would enable a guy, when intent on trolling in traffic, to stop by one of our franchises, pick up a puppy of his choice and return it later, when its task is finished. No long-term commitment would be required. And although we can't give any guarantees, it is rare that a guy with a certified babe-magnet pooch by his side can't at least get a conversation started.
Taking a lesson from similar short-term rental establishments, most notably in Nevada, where such things are legal, we plan to provide many different pups, of all ages, colors, skills and stages of housebrokenness. Of course, all pups will have basic skills such as tail wagging and face licking, and for a nominal additional fee we can provide such upgrades as the back roll/belly rub, the just-had-a-bath bedraggled wet look, and--for the ultimate attractive powers--the quizzical head tilt.
All dogs would be wormed and fed before leaving for an assignment, so that the renter would not have any non-guy type responsibilities to perform. Of course, pups on overnight assignments would requre some attention, but hopefully the guy would have hooked a babe to do those odious duties, like feeding and walking the pup, by then.
Although we are fully funded now, and are not taking any more investors for this sure-fire initial start-up phase, we expect to have additional franchises opening soon, and the IPO isn't far in the future.
By the way, in answer to your question about opening lines once a babe is attracted to your dog, I will offer this brief exchange, excerpted from our Syllabus for Shy Guys (a $19.95 value, less $5 if purchased at time of rental). This is just a teaser--there's lots more in our great book!
SHE: (stopped next to you, rolls down her window) "Oh, what a CUTE puppy!!"
HE: (tousling the pup's ears) "Yeah, we're just going home from his vet." (thus displaying his sensitive, nurturing side) "I've got his sister at home."
You'd have to be a real putz for this one not to work!!