Dear Tom and Ray:

We own a 1984 Chevy Van, which we bought used. Since we've owned it, it has not passed our state emissions test. We bring it in, and it doesn't pass. Then we take it to our mechanic, and he brings it in. He gets it to pass every time. Can you tell me what he's doing to the van to get it to pass? -- Luie

Tom: Well, there are two possibilities, Luie. One is that he's using the technique known in the automotive industry as the "Double Jackson Method."

Ray: That's where he hands the inspector two folded-up Andrew Jacksons and says, "Buddy, pass me, will ya?" That's illegal, immoral and unethical.

Tom: Not to mention expensive.

Ray: So it's more likely that he's playing with your timing. On a lot of marginal cars, if you retard the timing enough, you can usually get it to pass the emissions test. The problem is that with the spark occurring so late, the car has almost no power, making it practically undriveable. When it's really warmed up, you might get it to run well enough so as not to arouse suspicion. And that's what I suspect he's doing.

Tom: Right. He gets the van good and warm, then stops around the corner from the testing station and retards the timing. The access to the engine is right between the seats, so he doesn't even have to get out and pop the hood!

Ray: Then he drives the thing around the corner, passes the emissions test, and as he's backing out of the garage bay, he resets the timing and goes on his way.

Tom: And that's illegal, immoral and unethical, too.

Ray: Not to mention wrong.

Tom: Right. Other people are paying hard-earned money to fix their cars, and you're cheating so you can drive around and belch emissions that the rest of us have to breathe. Thanks a lot, Luie!

Ray: What you should do depends on WHY the van isn't passing the emissions test. At this age, it could easily need a new or rebuilt carburetor or a new catalytic converter.

Tom: So here's the deal, Luie. If you find out what it really needs and get it done, we promise not to forward your letter to the EPA or Kenneth Starr for further investigation. OK?

In their pamphlet "Should I Buy, Lease, or Steal My Next Car?" Tom and Ray break down the strategies for buying a car, so you can make the most of your money. To order, send (check or money order) to Ruin, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. You can also order online.

© 1998 by Tom and Ray Magliozzi and Doug Berman Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Back to the May 1998 index