Dear Tom and Ray:

My loser friend keeps asking me to jump-start his loser car. I've done it about five times now and I'm about ready to tell him where he can put his jumper cables. Is my battery going to suffer from all of this jump-starting? My Honda Civic is 3 years old and I haven't had to replace the battery yet, but I'm starting to worry. Is there some technical, car-lingo-laden excuse I can give him for why I can't help him out next time his junk heap dies? -- Brad

Ray: Unfortunately, no, Brad. Jump-starting someone else's car is just like donating a pint of blood. A few days later, you'd never know it happened.

Tom: It's just like starting your own car one more time. So it hardly makes a difference in the life of your battery.

Ray: That doesn't mean we can't help you, though, Brad. If he's outworn his welcome, we'll be happy to help you make up a technical-sounding excuse.

Tom: Tell him that electron drain during a jump-start is magnified by Avogadro's number, and the tie-in between Coulombs Law and the Hiesenberg Uncertainty Principle makes it unwise to perform any more than five jump-starts in a given year. Then throw in some reference to global warming and violations of the Southeast Asian Treaty Organization, and he should get the idea.

Ray: Or just tell him you're watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and he should check the Yellow Pages under "AAA."

What is the most cost-effective way to buy a car? Tom and Ray hash it all out in their pamphlet "Should I Buy, Lease, or Steal My Next Car?" To order, send (check or money order) to Ruin, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. You can also order online.

© 1998 by Tom and Ray Magliozzi and Doug Berman Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

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