Dear Tom and Ray:

As the proud owner of a '57 Chevy pickup, I have utilized and appreciated your technical prowess and humor. Your efforts have helped me, and obviously countless others, deal with the love-hate relationships that are inevitable in motor vehicle ownership. A problem has arisen, through no fault of your own. My local newspaper has started running your column in the weekly Food section, and whenever I read it now, I get hungry. Is there anything you can do? -- Harry

Ray: Harry, we were just about to toss your silly little letter into the garbage can. But then we realized that it presents us with a great opportunity to print one of the most tasteless attempts at humor anyone has sent us in weeks!

Tom: And I'm sure that printing it -- a "menu" from the so-called Road Kill Cafe -- will succeed in suppressing your appetite.

Ray: We should warn all of our sophisticated readers that the following is in poor taste.

Tom: If you are reading this over breakfast, you may want to skip right now to some more-appetizing section of today's newspaper, like "Answers About Acne."

Ray: OK, Harry. According to the menu that one of our alert readers sent us, the Road Kill Cafe serves up Slab of Lab, Shar-Pei Fillet and Poodles With Noodles.

Tom: Rounding out the canine portion of the menu, they've also got German Shepherd's Pie and the ever-popular Collie Hit by a Trolley.

Ray: In terms of wild game, you've got your Smear of Deer, your Smidgen of Pigeon, your Road Toad a la Mode and your perfectly aged Rigor Mortis Tortoise.

Tom: And, if you haven't lost your appetite by now, Harry, why not go for my personal favorite, "Chicken that Didn't Cross the Road"?!

Changing your oil regularly is the cheapest insurance you can buy for your car, but how often should you change it? Find out by ordering Tom and Ray's pamphlet "Ten Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car Without Even Knowing It!" To order, send (check or money order) to Ruin, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. You can also order online.

© 1998 by Tom and Ray Magliozzi and Doug Berman Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

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