Dear Tom and Ray:

My 1994 Olds Cutlass Ciera has been a great car for 50,000 miles. I'm wondering if it could be made to handle better. It's a little bouncy and it sways a little when it corners. Do you think if I got the right combination of new tires and shocks it would corner like a Corvette? And if it starts handling like a Corvette, will women suddenly become more interested in me? Or do I need to start smoking a pipe and wearing a smoking jacket and ascot for that? -- AJ

Ray: My brother used to wear an ascot. But then he got his ascot in the fan one day, and that was the end of that.

Tom: You can't make this handle like a Corvette, AJ! C'mon! This car doesn't have a very sophisticated suspension to begin with. It doesn't have four-wheel independent suspension, nor does it have a particularly stiff chassis. So no matter what you do to it, no one's ever going to mistake it for a sports car.

Ray: However, new tires and "working" shocks will make a big difference if you need them. So that's the place to invest some money if you feel it used to handle better than it does now. But get someone to check the shocks and tires for you first.

Tom: One other important thing about the Corvette, AJ. We've discovered through meticulous research that Corvettes (and cars like them), contrary to popular male belief, do not attract the attention of women. They tend to attract the attention of men, who THINK they attract the attention of women. Women tend to be frightened or intimidated by them.

Ray: Don't get me wrong. This Cutlass Ciera of yours is no babe magnet. But if you're really interested in attracting the attention of women, forget the Corvette and try getting something "cute," like a Miata, a RAV 4, or better yet, a puppy!

Auto repairs can be costly! Save money by ordering Tom and Ray's pamphlet "Ten Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car Without Even Knowing It!" To order, send (check or money order) to Ruin, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. You can also order online.

© 1997 by Tom and Ray Magliozzi and Doug Berman Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

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