Dear Tom and Ray:

The first car I drove in 1978 was a Saab with a two-stroke, slant-three engine. Friends jested that this was a lawnmower engine, because I had to add a quart of oil to the gas tank every time I filled it up. I took their remarks as a great insult ... to my lawnmower, which is a very nice machine. Do two-stroke engines exist on the planet anymore? My father still owns this masterpiece. Would you guys refuse to work on it if it rolled into your shop? And most important, what kind of prayer would you recommend before shooting it between the headlights? -- Bill

Tom: There are tons of two-stroke engines around these days, Bill. They're in just about every chain saw, weed-whacker, snowmobile and gas-powered nose-hair clipper on the planet. But they're not used in cars much these days, at least not in the United States.

Ray: Two-stroke engines have great advantages. Because every other stroke is a power stroke (as opposed to every fourth stroke in a common, four-cycle car engine), two-cycle engines provide a lot of power and torque in a very small size. That's why chain saws use them. Do you think Lenny the Lumberjack wants to schlep a 25-pound four-cycle engine halfway up a spruce tree? I should say not!

Tom: Plus, two strokes have the added advantage of being able to be used upside down, since they don't have oil-filled crankcases. So as Lenny is falling backwards out of the tree, he can still prune a few limbs on his way down.

Ray: The problem with the old two-cycle engines is that they ran very inefficiently and created a lot of pollution. But in recent years, with the advantages of all kinds of modern pollution-control equipment that's been developed since your Saab was built, several major manufacturers have been experimenting with two-stroke engines. And I suspect someday, someone will come out with one again, probably in an economy car where shedding weight is a crucial goal.

Tom: Now, would we refuse to work on a two-stroke Saab if it rolled into our shop? It would depend on whether or not we had a boat payment due that week, Bill.

Ray: And for the record, we don't condone shooting a car between the headlights. That's undignified. When the time comes, we simply recommend making an appointment at Kevorkian Motors.

Wait! Don't buy another car without the mechanic's checklist that's included in Tom and Ray's pamphlet "How to Buy a Great Used Car: Secrets Only Your Mechanic Knows." It will help you get a good used car and avoid the clunkers. To order, send (check or money order) to Ruin, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. You can also order online.

© 1997 by Tom and Ray Magliozzi and Doug Berman Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

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