Car Talk

January 1989

TOM: We've been watching a lot of silly car advertisements lately and we've decided that the slogans are not what they should be.

RAY: Right, to help our friends in the auto industry, we've decided to come up with some new ones. For instance, since Buick is now trying to woo back it's middle aged customers with middle aged styling, why not use the slogan The great American middle-of-the-road belongs to Buick?

TOM: Right. Ford could touch a more responsive chord by asking have you been able to start your Ford lately? Subaru could come clean and say unimpressive and built to stay that way.

RAY: The silliest one I've seen has got to be Oldsmobile's. This is not your father's Oldsmobile. Maybe not, but the same ad agency that couldn't sell these dogs to your father is now trying to pawn them off on you. And here's a more honest approach for Saab: The most unintelligible ads ever written.

TOM: That's good. With it's new purchase protection plan, Audi introduces a better way to dump a car. Then, of course, we have to get to the companies that talk dollars and cents in their slogans. The only way to borrow...is Cadillac style.

RAY: And with all those dealer markups, who could ask for anything more expensive...Toyota."

TOM: Then, of course, there's our favorite auto maker, Peugeot. Nothing else feels like it. I assume they're talking about waiting for an oil drain plug to be shipped over from Versailles on a sardine trawler.

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