Bride of Crusty
RAY: Well, here it is. I'll try to make it brief because it... I think it has the potential to be rather lengthy.
TOM: Oh, OK. So, get right into it.
RAY: Long, long ago.
TOM: Don't let anything stop you.
RAY: No, I won't.
TOM: I mean don't be interrupted.
RAY: No, I won't.
TOM: Just get into it and just go right to the end without stopping.
RAY: I will. Long, long ago.
TOM: Just tell us what the question --
RAY: Long, long ago in a galaxy far away, a Ford Galaxy that is. Our pal, Crusty, was driving to what was to be his wedding ceremony. Up in the wilds of Maine. He's driving along this lonely, unimproved as they call it, country road.
TOM: Got it.
RAY: Euphemism for dirt and pot holes.
RAY: And while driving along, he drifts into a state of euphoria. Euphoria is right on the border of Maine, right between Maine and New Hampshire.
TOM: An inclined village.
RAY: He drifts into this state of euphoria, thinking about the marital bliss that awaits him. At least the two weeks.
TOM: He was terrified in other words.
RAY: At least the two weeks until she figures out he doesn't bathe. So, there he is, he's driving along and he's daydreaming and in this state of euphoria, and he hits a rock in the road. A big rock. It tears open his gas tank.
RAY: Huge gash. He gets out of the car. Runs to the back and says, "Oh Fudge!" And he realizes that the gasoline is pouring out at such a rate that he's never going to make it to the wedding and he knows that if he doesn't make it, she's not going to hang around because he's what?
TOM: No. Yeah.
RAY: A loser. And he doesn't know how he hooked her in the first place. So, if he doesn't get there on time, he's done for.
TOM: She's going to have that extra two minutes to think about it and she's out of there.
RAY: She's out of there. Exactly. So, he opens the trunk to figure out some way to get himself out of this problem and he starts pulling out... He's got like another transmission in there, a starter, motor. A raccoon coat with the raccoon still in it. And there's nothing. His tool kit. And he races, stares and he looks down again and he sees the gas pouring out and he realizes that in five minutes he's going to be done for. Absolutely done for.
RAY: He runs to the front of the car, throws open the hood and with a few tools in his hand, in a few minutes, maybe even less, maybe a minute, he yanks something out from under the hood. A minute later, he's driving away and makes it to the wedding on time. Now, he didn't yank out the fuel pump nor did he yank out the carburetor. Those are two hints, but he yanked out something. Evidently, used, maybe used this. I don't need to give any further hints, do I?
TOM: No. No. No. You don't have to give... Suffice it to say, he opens the hood, he yanks out something --
RAY: He removes a part --
TOM: And a few minutes later he's on his way --
RAY: A few minutes later. He closes the hood.
RAY: And drives away and makes it to the church.
TOM: Well, that's a big hint. He does not go back to the gas tank.
RAY: I didn't say that.
TOM: You said, "He closes the hood."
RAY: No, he yanks something out from under the hood --
RAY: And in a few minutes time --
RAY: Let me tell you what he did with that few minutes.
TOM: OK. That's what I wanted to know.
RAY: In a few minutes time, he's closed the hood. Closed the hood --
RAY: And he drives away and makes it to the wedding on time.
TOM: Therefore, today there is a Mrs. Crusty and there wouldn't have otherwise --
RAY: No. It only lasted two weeks. Now, if you think you know what Crusty did -
RAY: And it worked, I might add beautifully.
TOM: Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. I love it.
Think you know? Drop Ray a note!
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