Baseball, hot dogs, bathtub gin, and Chevrolet.

Fiat-Chrysler -- Maybe two wrongs can make a right!

Jeep Wrangler -- Being at the shop counts as "off road," right?

Nissan Leaf -- Wipe that smug grin off A prius owner's face TODAY.

Porsche -- There's no substitute. Except maybe for dumping your wife and marrying a 24-year-old.

Jaguar -- Slowly bleeding you to death.

Honda Civic -- Making it impossible to figure out which car is yours in the parking lot since 1973.

Jeep Compass -- No, seriously. Stop laughing.

Ford Mustang GT Shelby Cobra convertible -- Next stop, Viagra.

Hyundai -- It's like "Sunday" with a gag in your mouth.

Mitsubishi Lancer Evo -- It'll get you going faster than a plate of bad sushi.

Subaru -- For hippies with good credit.

Audi -- You'll love our service departments!

Cadillac DTS -- For when you can't decide between a Toyota Avalon and a gaudy pair of golf shoes.

Lincoln -- So quiet, you'll think you're already dead.