Ligori: You've written well over 3,000 individual columns in the last 20 years. How did you figure out which ones to include in this collection?

We just numbered them, and then took every column divisible by 30.

Actually, we looked for the ones that were both interesting and funny. We included a lot of really wacky questions because they made US laugh. And then we included some in which WE learned something. So the collection is balanced - sort of like the show.

Ligori: So, you're saying, there's actually good advice in this book?

Oh, definitely.

The problem is trying to distinguish it from the bad advice. But that's half the fun.

Ligori: So if people follow the advice in this book, they're guaranteed a good outcome?

Well, since the primary storage location of this book will probably be in a bathroom, a "good outcome" is something that's beyond our control.

Overall the advice is pretty good. I mean, I'd still wear a football helmet if you're taking any of it, but we checked it all, and it all holds up. If you read the whole book, you'd learn some stuff.

Ligori: What are examples of some of the things I'll learn?

Well, things like whether you can actually go 100,000 miles between oil changes, tricks for improving your car's handling, when to downshift for best fuel economy, signs that a wheel might be about to fall off your car, and the plural of Lexus.

And, once we've addressed all of the car issues, we move onto more important things - like your life. For example, what's the best sports car for a mid-life crisis? Do the New Beetles count in the game "Punch Buggy"? And how fast can you go in reverse while evading an ambush in the African bush? These are questions that we believe are not answered in Huckleberry Finn.

Ligori: I bet you can't give me one reason why I should buy this book.

We're going to fire you, Ligori, if you don't buy it. Remember, you work for us. Or did up until now. Here's another reason. The economy is slumping. Buying this book could revive it. You read this book, you'll run into at least one thing you should be doing for your car. You visit your mechanic, he makes his boat payment, his bank is saved, they give everyone their houses back, and by then, it'll be 2009.

Ligori: You convinced me. Can I buy a copy?

(off mike) OK, you can stop cleaning out Ligori's office!

Can we interest you in ten cases? They're stacked 12 high in the office. We haven't seen our Producer Dougie Berman in a week.

Ligori: Will there be a second volume?

It depends how many cases of books you buy, Ligori.

We've been asked a lot of great questions over the years by our readers and listeners. If only our answers had been better, we'd have 10 volumes.

We'll see. There's a lot of great stuff in the columns. If people want more, we have more. But start by reading this one. We'll quiz you on it on Monday.