WANTED: HEART SURGEON FOR HALF-DAY GIG. NO PAY.

HI,

I NEED A TRIPLE BYPASS SURGERY AND WANT TO HAVE IT DONE A.S.A.P.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY FUNDS AT THE MOMENT, BUT I'LL HAVE A FRIEND VIDEOTAPE THE WHOLE PROCEDURE, AND YOU CAN HAVE A COPY OF THE TAPE. WE'RE ALSO PLANNING TO PITCH THE IDEA TO SOME HONCHOS AT HBO, SO YOU'LL BE IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR!

NO AMATEURS - EXPERIENCED HEART SURGEONS ONLY!



BOYFRIEND WITH AC NEEDED

I AM LOOKING FOR A MODERATELY ATTRACTIVE MAN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18 AND 40 WHO HAS AIR CONDITIONING IN HIS BEDROOM.

THIS WOULD BE FOR JULY AND AUGUST ONLY; HOWEVER, AN INDIAN SUMMER COULD EXTEND OUR RELATIONSHIP.



FREE TIME MACHINE

LACK OF FUNDS HAVE COME UP, AND PUT THE SKIDS ON FINISHING MY DREAMS OF BUILDING MY TIME MACHINE. I THINK I HAVE IT ALMOST TOTALLY COMPLETED. I'VE RUN INTO ONE HILL I CAN'T OVERCOME WITH MY SMALL INCOME. THE TIME MACHINE POWERS UP AND RUNS FINE; HOWEVER, THE CRYOSTASIS SYSTEM WON'T KICK ON. IF ANYONE OUT THERE WANTS TO TAKE OVER MY DREAMS OF TIME TRAVEL, I WILL BE WILLING TO GIVE THIS UP FOR FREE. I WILL BE SCREENING APPLICANTS.



SUBJECT: LOOKING TO TRADE MY SOUL FOR A FMI

MY SOUL IS IN GOOD SHAPE AND HAS SERVED ME WELL FOR 28 YEARS. THE REASON I'M GETTING RID OF IT IS.... I'M CONSIDERING A CAREER IN POLITICS, AND A GOOD SOUL WOULD ONLY BE A HINDRANCE FROM THIS POINT ON.