Actual Headlines
From: Jessica Comaskey
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
War Dims Hope For Peace
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
Old School Pillars Are Replaced By Alumni
Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms