13-year-old Kid Addresses Social Inequity
Read on the air by Tommy
From: David Shadmon
Subject: Dodge Darts for everyone
My name is Jonathan Shadmon, I'm 13 yrs. old, and live in our Fair City.
A large problem in our society today is that some people think they are better than others. I was in our family car, a 1994 Tercel (blue), at a stoplight when this guy in a Lexus pulls up to us and stops. Expecting him to roll down the window and ask for mustard, I was completley shocked at what happened next.
He did indeed look at us, and just frowned in disgust, as if anyone driving such a monstrosity should be shot. As he sped away, I thought, "He wouldn't be so cocky if he drove a Dodge Dart. In fact, he'd feel totally crummy!"
So I formulated my Pshycopathological-Self-Esteem-Vehicle Hypothesis. If everyone drove Dodge Darts, nobody would feel inferior, or superior, to anyone else on the road! This parity between drivers could also lead to a reduction in the horridity of Boston drivers, since they would all feel so crummy in their green Darts and nobody would feel better than anyone else.
To accomplish this, we could launch all the non-Darts into space as a present to any intelligent life out there and set up a new government agency, the NDDA, or National Dart Distribution Agency, to work hand in hand with Dodge to provide every American with a factory-fresh bright green Dodge Dart. And we could do this with no extra cost to the taxpayers, since we'd just use all the money from such governmental frivolities such as school-lunches and Welfare.
Within two years of total Dartness on America's roads, everyone would be too depressed or busy repairing their Darts to be mean to anyone else. Think of it! It would also cause a dramatic increase in the demand for auto-mechanics! That's you guys!
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